WHAT WOMEN THINK ABOUT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION?
For women in long-term relationships, ED brings numerous problems, as well as opportunities. As Dr. Broad points out, «If physical attractiveness and sexuality have been the main glue of the relationship, then the narcissistically vulnerable woman may instantly doubt her worth as a human being. Fear of abandonment, staved off while the relationship was predictable and viable, may suddenly surface when the partner develops ED.»
This perspective was voiced by Amanda, a forty-eight-year-old woman who worried that her husband, Jeff, would blame his ED on her and leave. «He’ll find a younger woman, I know he will,» she told me. «We were such a great-looking couple—everybody said so. But now, after three children and twenty years of marriage I look different. He won’t respond to me anymore. I know he’s halfway out the door.»
Another outlook was stated by Joan, a very wealthy woman whose marriage to Victor was one of convenience. «I know he had a girlfriend before his ED kicked in. Frankly, it never bothered me. Sex isn’t a big part of our marriage. I expect him to accompany me when I need him —but then he’s on his own. Now he wants to spend all his time with me, which isn’t a part of our deal. We have what I think of as a business arrangement—not an emotional one.»
Both these women are intent on focusing solely on their own perspectives. Because they won’t—or can’t—consider the causes of their husbands’ ED, much less the emotional underpinnings of their marriages, they’re unable to figure out what to do. As Dr. Broad states, «For these women, ED is not a sign that their partners—or their relationship—is in crisis. Rather, they experience the ED as an injury to their self-esteem. The major failure of their partners is that they can’t function in a way that enhances their own self-esteem.»
What happens, then, when a solution to ED is readily at hand?
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